Proxy parenting I don’t mind doing. Because sometimes it means my working life runs easier. The kids are typically far better behaved sans their parents. Which child hasn’t figured out that mummy and/or daddy are there to run rings around, get what they want etc etc. Some of my longer term jobs I’ve had children who are well behaved regardless. These are jobs I have started when the child is too young to know better. They were trained up well.
Jobs you go into when the children are older are harder work. They have it sussed by the time you start. Was it the previous nanny’s fault? I don’t think so. Although if the previous nanny was a longer term nanny then I maybe can partially say it may have been, but which nanny has tried and failed to take on a parent when the parent thinks they know best. You can’t take on a parent and hope to win. Unless that parent is desperate and begging for help, and willing to receive it.
But I digress. Proxy parenting. Pays extra. Or does it? I would’ve assumed it does. I work a 60+ hour week. It’s a very long week. With very long days. Throw in a bit of babysitting and the days are longer. Especially when you have to do bedtime with children who still haven’t learnt the art of listening, co-operation, compromise and so on. And you’re in charge of the dogs. Does dog sitting pay extra? Oh, and it’s just as easy to go put a load of washing on, take a load of washing out, empty the dishwasher, etc. once the kiddies are in bed because goodness only knows when you will be able to manage to do that in the morning .. argh, the night has gone. It’s bedtime. There ain’t no time for ‘me time’.
Proxy parenting is additional hours. Those scary night time hours when the house makes noises you’ve never heard, the dogs bark at their own shadows, the monitor makes ghostly sounds, the wind picks up outside, the rain lashes at the window, and you don’t sleep anywhere near as good as you should. Proxy parenting is hours over and beyond nanny hours and babysitting hours. It should be paid extra. It’s a huge responsibility. You are in charge. In complete charge. Their most precious objects need you.
Although it’s funny how more attention is paid, by the parents, to you knowing how to lock doors, set alarms, call dogs in, than to their children. Who knew how many books need reading, cuddly things need retrieving .. Don’t worry, the kids told me. In their ways. One sweetly, one foot stampingly, one just got out of bed and got it …!
I asked. How much do you pay? Nothing. Nothing extra I was told. Ah ha. That’s not what was agreed. Let’s have words. Did I get anywhere? Oh bah humbug. No, I didn’t. I asked the agency. They knew very well they had told me it was extra. I asked them what the going rate was so I could add it to the ‘please pay me back list’. They knew very well that my hours were agreed on accepting the job, and proxy parenting played no part in that agreement. So, what happened?
I got a long, drawn out reply from the agency as to what had been told to them by the employer. Before I accepted the job. Before I had even gotten in touch with the agency. That proxy parenting is included in the weekly wage. Oh, they promise it won’t be more than 2 nights. But then they will only start paying if it is more than 3 or 4 nights.
I love to give to charity. I always give to charity. I feel like I am now the charity. Yes, I’m here. I’m asleep in your house. Doesn’t mean I can and should work every hour under the sun and moon for nothing. I’m not happy. I’m pissed off. Yes, I am earning a decent wage but by goodness do I work my butt off for it? I should be allowed to sleep peacefully at night. And if I can’t then please have the decency to pay me for the broken sleep, the extra (huge) responsibility, the weight on my shoulders, the round the clock care etc etc.
Oh, the agency I am very unimpressed with. The employers I am losing respect for. The career I’ve loved for so long hangs in there on an ever decreasing thread.
A Day in the Life of a Nanny 